Cultural Cuisinart

So I did get around to whipping up a response to the Weird Tales flash fiction contest I posted a few days ago. Basically the goal was to write flash fiction story (under 500 words) based on the headline of a piece of spam email you received. I like exercises like this, because even when the end product is so-so, it gets your brain churning and makes you commit to a tight deadline and structure.

The headline I chose was "Acai #1 Superfood in the World." I hope you enjoy this little trifle.

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Acai paced nervously around the locker room. He was struck by feeling of being present at a historic moment in time, one that his children and grandchildren would someday learn about in school. But how would history remember him – as the number one superfood in the world, or as just another pretender to the throne?

He was a long way from his home country of Brazil, and suddenly he ached to be back there, cavorting in the rainforest with his brother fruits, far away from the pressures of the UFFC. Here in Berlin he felt strange, out of place. The other foods regarded him with wary, unfriendly looks. It was to be expected – he was a dark horse contender, largely unknown on the circuit until very recently. His stunning defeat of Papaya in the quarterfinals had catapulted him into the limelight and earned him both the adoration of the fans and the animosity of several new foes. Several major companies – Jamba Juice and Tropicana among them – were already courting him, dangling lucrative endorsements in front of him. But all of the promise of future fame and fortune hinged on Acai winning the biggest fight of his life.

The door swung open – Sully, his trainer, stood there. “It’s time, kid.”

He exhaled and made his way out, beginning that long walk down the tunnel. Already he could hear the crowd chanting in the distance and the announcer’s voice booming, “Ladies and gentlemen, hold onto your stems! Ultimate Fruit Fighting Championship presents 5 rounds of action. The winner of tonight’s final will be the undisputed Superfood Champion of the world!”

Acai emerged from the darkness of the tunnel into the blazing lights of the arena. The crowd roared its approval as his name was announced. His nerves flared up, and he struggled mentally to press down his doubts and fears. He had prepared for this fight. His skin was firm and shone a deep purple. His left hook was strong. He was ready for this.

He entered the octagon and stared at his opponent across the ring. Spirulina, four time champion, sneered at him. Acai knew that this would be a tricky fight – the green algae was a notoriously slippery opponent, dodging his opponents’ attacks with seeming ease.

The introductions began, but Acai remained focused on his opponent and barely heard the announcer. The bell rung, and he headed across the octagon cautiously.

Spirulina initiated a vicious offense almost immediately. Acai was rocked by a salvo of attacks – Spirulina lowered total cholesterol; increased HDL cholesterol; lowered triglycerides; and lowered systolic and diastolic blood pressure. Acai fought back with reduced blood cholesterol levels, increase in energy levels and treating gastrointestinal problems.

Both fighters were bloody. The crowd roared. Acai could barely stand, but then, suddenly, he saw his opening. He swung with all his might: may help inhibit proliferation of cancer. Spirulina hit the canvas with a massive thud. The crowd went wild. Acai lifted his fists in triumph. Sweet nutritious victory!