Cultural Cuisinart

I've been playing Valve's latest game Left 4 Dead, and am loving it. I decided not to do a review, as it has already been covered well in other sources, like Joystiq.com, which did a review here, and Ars Technica (read!). I do agree that it's not for people who just want to do a single-player campaign - wait till the game goes on sale in a few months. But if you like online gaming with friends, the Versus mode with 7 of your closest buddies is a total blast.

My friend Mark has a great post up with tips on how to play as a survivor. It's chock full of goodness, so check it out.

As sort of a counterpoint to that post, here's some tips for players who are doing the Versus mode and playing as a zombie character. I've invited a very special guest to write this section of the post. So, without further ado....

A Zombie Dining Guide
by Tank the Zombie

Hi folks! Tank here. I know, I know... those of you who have met me (or better yet, met the slab of rock I threw at your head) are probably surprised to know that I have other interests aside from smashing puny humans. I also enjoy swimming, archery and blogging. Anyway, Ladykiller (that's the mad_typist's Steam handle) invited me on this blog to give a few tips to you aspiring young zombies out there.

Smokers

• Your tongue can reach waaaaay across the map, so don't feel like you need to get too close to those nasty survivors with their automatic weapons.
  
• Use height to your advantage. It makes it harder for the survivors to kill you, plus, it adds confusion to the situation, as they'll be looking for their trapped teammate at ground level, while you'll have him or her suspended 10 feet above them.
• Look to get behind the survivors and snatch the straggler at the back of the group. They'll be pushing forward and may forget to come back for their delicious friend.
• Survivors that are spread out are your best target.
  

Boomers

• First of all, you are nasty and bloated. You smell and move slow. But enough compliments. Sadly, those traits also make it easy for survivors to detect your presence. You can be killed quickly at a distance. You need the element of surprise the most of all the classes in order to be effective. Use trees and train cars as cover if you need to run up on survivors from a distance. Attacking through the gap between cars is a great tactic that will keep you safe.
  
• Try to spawn in front of the survivors, as you are slow and it's hard to catch them from behind.
• You are very fragile, so if you fall off a roof, that's it. You're dead. However, when you explode, you release a cloud of funk that will coat any survivors in the area. Don't be afraid to kamikaze off a roof onto a tightly clustered group of survivors.
• In general, groups of survivors that are close together are a great target. If you can sneak up on them and get close before they kill you, that's perfect.

Hunters

• Don't be stupid like LadyK and forget to hit the crouch key before you M1 to jump.
• Practice your jumps and learn what distance you need to be at to land on a survivor. There's nothing more embarrassing than leaping out into battle, only to fall 5 feet short of your target (who then shotguns you to death).
• Survivors who are spread out are your main target. Like the smoker, you want time to do lots of damage to your victim before their buddies can come rescue them.
• Being able to blend in with a horde of other zombies can provide cover, plus give you extra help ravaging your victim once you have them pinned.
  

General Tips

• Everything tastes better with salsa. That includes yummy survivors.
• Zoey is stringy and doesn't have much meat. She also says hilarious things in game. Kill her last.
  
• Bill tastes like an old shoe.
• Francis is like the in-game equivalent of a turkey. Succulent, flavorful and moist! Eat him first. Or better yet, stuff Louis inside him, and then eat both of them, like a turducken